2 Oatmeal Recipes and the Ultimate Oatmeal Personality Quiz

<i style="color: #990000;">This was originally published awhile ago. But I likes it!</i><br /><br />The following quiz is intended to evaluate your level of affection for oatmeal. Using the provided key, assign each of your answers a numeric value. At the end, tally your score to discover the extent of your oatmeal fanaticism. <br /><br /><b>KEY</b><br /><br /><i>For every A answer, give yourself 4 points.</i><br /><i>For every B answer, give yourself 3 points.</i><br /><i>For every C answer, give yourself 2 points.</i><br /><i>For every D answer, give yourself 1 point.</i><br /><br /><b>QUIZ</b><br /><br />I eat oatmeal:<br />A) Everyday. Sometimes twice. Sometimes in the shower.<br />B) Weekly. It’s okay for breakfast on the go.<br />C) Monthly. When I’m out of Froot Loops and bologna.<br />D) Never. It killed my dog.<br /><br />My oatmeal comes from:<br />A) The farm. I harvest it myself, with the oatmeal scythe I received for Christmas.<br />B) A cardboard can. I make puppets from it when it’s empty!<br />C) A 3-year-old packet at the bottom of my pantry, under the Windex.<br />D) People intentionally trying to piss me off.<br /><br />My favorite kind of sweet oatmeal includes:<br />A) Fresh pumpkin puree, toasted walnut bits, and a dash of the finest cardamom.<br />B) Honey, peanut butter, and bananas. I call it “The Elvis.”<br />C) Rehydrated apples and cinnamon that can be carbon dated.<br />D) The sweet oatmeal of death.<br /><br />Gingersnap Oatmeal from <a href="http://www.kitschenbitsch.com/" style="color: #990000;">Kitschen Bitsch</a> (which I, Kris, have now eaten everyday for a week) sounds:<br />A) Like the second coming.<br />B) Like coffee with Angela Lansbury: melodic and educational.<br />C) Like it’d taste better in a cookie.<br />D) Like I’d rather have my tongue grated with a microplane zester. <br /><br />At first, savory oatmeal sounds:<br />A) Delicious! I dated a bowl of it from 2002 to 2005. <br />B) Like interpretive kayaking: strange, but I’m willing to give it a shot.<br />C) Like a science experiment. Nice try, Carl Sagan.<br />D) Like being kicked in the esophagus.<br /><br />Consequently, I’d equate <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2009/01/mark-bittmans-savory-oatmeal-with-scallions-and-soy-sauce-recipe.html" style="color: #990000;">Mark Bittman’s Oatmeal with Soy Sauce and Scallions</a> with:<br />A) A month-long orgasm.<br />B) A Sandra Bullock movie; probably better than it has any right to be.<br />C) Cleaning the house with your mother before guests come over; traumatic, with the ultimate possibility of understanding.<br />D) Being forced to work in a gulag.<br /><br /><b>SCORE/EVALUATION</b><br /><br />0 TO 6 POINTS: you are an<b> oatmeal hater</b> and honestly, a bit of a drama queen. You’d rather have your tongue scraped off than have a delicious breakfast? There is an MTV reality show in your future.<br /><br />7 TO 12 POINTS: you are an <b>oatmeal ambivalent.</b> Once, in 2007, you bought a giant box of Quaker packets from CostCo, thinking they'd be great to take to the office. You ate the banana bread ones first. The plain ones are still in your pantry. You will end up donating them to charity.<br /><br />13 TO 18 POINTS: you are an<b> oatmeal enthusiast. </b>Your relationship with oatmeal is quite healthy. Also, people like you and small animals feel comfortable landing on your shoulder. You should consider a career on Broadway. <br /><br />19 TO 24 POINTS: you are an<b> oatmeal extremist. </b>Your love for oatmeal is all encompassing, and your family and friends fear for your sanity. To avoid being committed, eat eggs for a week straight. Should that fail, a straitjacket would not be out of place.<br /><br />~~~<br />If you like these recipes, you might also like:<br /><ul><li><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2009/09/maple-morning-polenta-chili-corn-pone.html" style="color: #990000;">Maple Morning Polenta</a></li><li><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2009/04/scrumptious-scramble-weekend-ho.html" style="color: #990000;">Scrumptious Scramble</a></li><li><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2009/03/veggie-might-who-wants-vegan-bran.html" style="color: #990000;">Vegan Bran Muffins</a></li></ul>~~~<br /><br /><b>Gingersnap Oatmeal</b><br />Serves 1<br />Adapted from <a href="http://www.kitschenbitsch.com/" style="color: #990000;">Kitschen Bitsch</a>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSXW3ge6pVCmejf4UYiS2oebZW3ik3MFtOhjdh4tjSd_iouBwvG-laXbbU3Hh_eZ5C9Fu4t64CYe8coV694JRY8aYaMyuIAFYEqQYyuJbb1wqRWS3vxU16hUxKlPoxOFvIFnAyElQzglt/s1600-h/Gingersnap+Oatmeal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSXW3ge6pVCmejf4UYiS2oebZW3ik3MFtOhjdh4tjSd_iouBwvG-laXbbU3Hh_eZ5C9Fu4t64CYe8coV694JRY8aYaMyuIAFYEqQYyuJbb1wqRWS3vxU16hUxKlPoxOFvIFnAyElQzglt/s320/Gingersnap+Oatmeal.jpg" /></a></div><br />1/2 cup Quaker old-fashioned oatmeal<br />1/2 cup skim milk<br />1/4 cup water<br />1 tablespoon molasses<br />A few shakes ground ginger<br />A few shakes ground cinnamon<br />A pinch ground cloves<br />A dash vanilla extract<br />A few dashes Kosher salt<br /><br />In a small pot, heat oatmeal, skim milk, and water over medium heat. As oatmeal mixture is warming, add all the other ingredients. Stir thoroughly to combine. Let cook until most of the liquid is absorbed, and the oatmeal reaches … y’know … an oatmealy consistency. Serve warm.<br /><br /><b>Approximate Calories, Fat, Fiber, and Price Per Serving</b><br />253 calories, 3.4 g fat, 4 g fiber, $0.45<br /><br />~~~<br /><br /><b>Oatmeal with Soy Sauce, Sesame Oil, and Scallions</b><br />Serves 1.<br />Adapted from <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2009/01/mark-bittmans-savory-oatmeal-with-scallions-and-soy-sauce-recipe.html" style="color: #990000;">Mark Bittman</a>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6FYlIh86T3OiNJqOHaYickjoYS9SlOiCwSvymh4jZRJ9J0LuRMh13CaNawuvpgvTbn6DZV2KHZjEncsNd9aa9I5yntK3Sw9vTqEfkhuSk6I5wxlejlfP11vxG2g6q5XQCtseOFaw8Z3Jq/s1600-h/Oatmeal+Scallions+Soy+Sauce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6FYlIh86T3OiNJqOHaYickjoYS9SlOiCwSvymh4jZRJ9J0LuRMh13CaNawuvpgvTbn6DZV2KHZjEncsNd9aa9I5yntK3Sw9vTqEfkhuSk6I5wxlejlfP11vxG2g6q5XQCtseOFaw8Z3Jq/s320/Oatmeal+Scallions+Soy+Sauce.jpg" /></a></div><br />1/2 cup Quaker old-fashioned oatmeal<br />1 cup water<br />2 teaspoons soy sauce<br />1 small scallion, thinly sliced<br />1/2 teaspoon toasted sesame oil<br /><br />In a small pot, heat oatmeal and water over medium heat. As oatmeal mixture is warming, add soy sauce and about 1 tablespoon of scallions. Stir thoroughly to combine. Let cook until most of the liquid is absorbed, and the oatmeal reaches … y’know … an oatmealy consistency. Spoon into a bowl and drizzle sesame oil on top. Serve warm, with a few raw scallion slivers on top.<br /><br /><b>Approximate Calories, Fat, Fiber, and Price Per Serving</b><br />178 calories, 5.5 g fat, $0.32<br /><br />~~~<br /><br /><b>Calculations (Gingersnap Oatmeal)</b><br />1/2 cup Quaker old-fashioned oatmeal: 150 calories, 3 g fat, 4 g fiber, $0.15<br />1/2 cup skim milk: 45 calories, 0.4 g fat, 0 g fiber, $0.11<br />1/4 cup water: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.00<br />1 tablespoon molasses: 58 calories, 0 g fat, 0 g fiber, $0.13<br />A few shakes ground ginger: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.01<br />A few shakes ground cinnamon: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.01<br />A pinch ground cloves: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.01<br />A dash vanilla extract: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.02<br />A few dashes Kosher salt: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.01<br />TOTAL/PER SERVING: 253 calories, 3.4 g fat, 4 g fiber, $0.45<br /><br /><b>Calculations (Oatmeal with Soy Sauce, Sesame Oil, and Scallions)</b><br />1/2 cup Quaker old-fashioned oatmeal: 150 calories, 3 g fat, 4 g fiber, $0.15<br />1 cup water: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $0.00<br />1 small scallion: 2 calories, 0 g fat, 0.1 g fiber $0.08<br />2 teaspoons soy sauce: 6 calories, 0 g fat, 0.1 g fiber, $0.07<br />1/2 teaspoon toasted sesame oil: 20 calories, 2.3 g fat, 0 g fiber, $0.02<br />TOTAL/PER SERVING: 178 calories, 5.5 g fat, $0.32

2 Oatmeal Recipes and the Ultimate Oatmeal Personality Quiz

This was originally published awhile ago. But I likes it! The following quiz is intended to evaluate your level of affection for oatmeal. Us...

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38 Cheap, Healthy Recipes for Thanksgiving Leftovers

<div style="color: #990000;"><i>This post was originally published in November 2008. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!</i></div><br />Every year, I suspend my healthy diet for one heralded November day. No, not Election Day, during which I’m usually too queasy to eat – but that most glorious of bird-based holidays, Thanksgiving.<br /><br />Then, 24 hours later, I enter an equally magical shame spiral, since I’ve just consumed enough calories to keep me alive for eight years without ever having to eat again.<br /><br />This year, I’m going to desperately try to avoid all that, hopefully by using at least 25 of the following 38 inexpensive, frugal leftover recipes. (Well … okay, 24.) I found them via a thorough, highly scientific search-and-paste process, not unlike previous <a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2007/08/cheap-healthy-beef-part-i-recipes-and.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Beef</span></a>, <a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2008/01/cheap-healthy-party-food.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Party Food</span></a>, and <a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2008/04/cheap-healthy-salad-dressing-102-light.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Salad Dressing</span></a> searches. In this case, here’s what determined a dish’s appearance on the list:<br /><ul><li>As always, if the recipe comes from an aggregate site, the reviews must come in at 80% approval or above, or have no reviews at all (in which case, they must look really, really good).</li><li>It was a little difficult to find low-fat recipes, since stuffing and mashed potatoes aren’t exactly health foods (meaning: they don’t miraculously lose their calories on Black Friday). So, I attempted to keep each recipe NWR, or Nutritious Within Reason. There’s little added butter, oil, dairy, lard, mayo, or canned soup in each dish. </li><li>If possible, I included notes about lightening the dish under each title.</li><li>As for price, there aren’t any exotic ingredients included, so costs should be pretty low. Caveat: you might have to purchase a little ginger or a bunch of green onions or something.</li><li>There is no Turkey Tetrazzini. Because I hate it. Muahahahahahaha! </li></ul>Readers, if you have suggestions, I love to hear. In the meantime, happy Thanksgiving!<br /><br /><a href="http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Apple-Curry-Turkey-Pita/Detail.aspx"><span style="color: #990000;">All Recipes: Apple Curry Turkey Pita</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>Use low-fat yogurt in place of regular to cut fat and calories.<br /><br /><a href="http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Hearty-Turkey-Soup-with-Parsley-Dumplings-2/Detail.aspx"><span style="color: #990000;">All Recipes: Hearty Turkey Soup with Parsley Dumplings</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Southwestern-Turkey-Soup/Detail.aspx"><span style="color: #990000;">All Recipes: Southwestern Turkey Soup</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2004/11/asian_turkey_noodle_soup_with_ginger_and_chiles"><span style="color: #990000;">Bon Appetit: Asian Turkey-Noodle Soup with Ginger and Chiles</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2003/11/cranberry_citrus_sorbet"><span style="color: #990000;">Bon Appetit: Cranberry Citrus Sorbet</span></a><br />This sounds AWESOME.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2005/11/pork_chops_with_cranberry_port_and_rosemary_sauce"><span style="color: #990000;">Bon Appetit: Pork Chops with Cranberry Port and Rosemary Sauce</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2007/11/whats-in-name-light-leftover-turkey.html"><span style="color: #990000;">CHG: Leftover Turkey Stew</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2008/02/comfort-me-with-chili.html"><span style="color: #990000;">CHG: Turkey Chili</span></a><br />Use turkey bits instead of ground turkey, add to pot with tomatoes<br /><br /><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2007/10/chicken-noodle-soup-for-failures-soul.html"><span style="color: #990000;">CHG: Turkey Noodle Soup</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>Sub in cooked turkey for chicken.<br /><br /><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2008/04/sweet-victory-chicken-with-shallot"><span style="color: #990000;">CHG: Turkey With Shallot Apricot Sauce</span></a><br />Sub in turkey for chicken, and use leftover warmed turkey<br /><br /><a href="http://www.chow.com/recipes/11134"><span style="color: #990000;">Chow: Turkey Pad See Ew</span></a><br />A little high in fat, but delicious-sounding just the same.<br /><br /><a href="http://confessions-stayathomemom.blogspot.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-leftover-dilemma_19.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom: Thanksgiving Leftover Casserole (scroll down</span></a><span style="color: #990000;">)</span><br />Sub in fat-free evaporated milk and make sure you use 2% cheddar.<br /><br /><a href="http://confessions-stayathomemom.blogspot.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-leftover-dilemma_19.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom: Turkey Stock</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=397285&package_id=397317"><span style="color: #990000;">Cooking Light: Cold Soba Noodles with Turkey</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=361988&package_id=361994"><span style="color: #990000;">Cooking Light: Fiery Turkey-Pâté Crostini</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=397293&package_id=397317"><span style="color: #990000;">Cooking Light: Turkey Pizza</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=223804&package_id=361994"><span style="color: #990000;">Cooking Light: White Turkey Chili</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Turkey-Burritos-with-Salsa-and-Cilantro-233150?sisterSite=bonappetit.com&src=1"><span style="color: #990000;">Epicurious: Turkey Burritos with Salsa and Cilantro</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span>Humina.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Turkey-and-Sweet-Potato-Sandwich-230169"><span style="color: #990000;">Epicurious: Turkey and Sweet Potato Sandwich</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.fabulousfoods.com/index.php?option=com_resource&controller=article&category_id=138&article=19023"><span style="color: #990000;">Fabulous Foods: Turkey Pasties</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.taunton.com/finecooking/recipes/turkey_soup_ginger_lemon_mint.aspx?collection=102332"><span style="color: #990000;">Fine Cooking: Turkey Soup with Ginger, Lemon, and Mint</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.taunton.com/finecooking/recipes/turkey-sweet-potato-hash.aspx?collection=102332"><span style="color: #990000;">Fine Cooking: Turkey and Sweet Potato Hash</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.taunton.com/finecooking/recipes/turkey-tortilla-soup.aspx?collection=102332"><span style="color: #990000;">Fine Cooking: Turkey Tortilla Soup</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/turkey-soup-with-rice-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Cathy Lowe: Turkey Soup with Rice</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/turkey-stuffed-peppers-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Cathy Lowe: Turkey Stuffed Peppers</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/turkey-and-vegetable-soup-recipe2/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Emeril Lagasse: Turkey and Vegetable Soup</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/michael-chiarello/next-day-turkey-soup-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Michael Chiarella: Next Day Turkey Soup</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/cooking-live/smoked-turkey-and-cranberry-gourmet-pizza-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Ocean Spray: Smoked Turkey and Cranberry Gourmet Pizza</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/turkey-corn-chili-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Rachael Ray: Turkey Corn Chili</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/turkey-and-stuffin-soup-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Rachael Ray: Turkey and Stuffin’ Soup</span></a><br />Frankly, the picture kind of squicked me out here. But the reviewers (and there are quite a few) seem to LOVE it, so go nuts.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/robin-miller/turkey-soup-with-egg-noodles-and-vegetables-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Robin Miller: Turkey Soup with Egg Noodles and Vegetables</span></a><br />Looks like a good, quick recipe. Very well rated.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/sunny-anderson/second-day-turkey-and-string-bean-pot-pies-recipe/index.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Food Network/Sunny Anderson: Second Day Turkey and String Bean Pot Pies</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.oregonlive.com/foodday/index.ssf/2008/06/recipe_detail.html?id=6548"><span style="color: #990000;">The Oregonian: Soba Noodle Salad With Cranberries and Apple</span></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.oregonlive.com/foodday/index.ssf/2008/06/recipe_detail.html?id=6539"><span style="color: #990000;">The Oregonian: Turkey Picadillo</span></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.oregonlive.com/foodday/index.ssf/2008/06/recipe_detail.html?id=6535"><span style="color: #990000;">The Oregonian: Turkey, White Bean, and Escarole Soup</span></a><br /><br /><a href="http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/foodwine/2004025936_sandwich21.html"><span style="color: #990000;">Seattle Times: Chili-Rubbed Turkey Sandwich With Red Onion Salsa</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://stlouiseats.typepad.com/st_louis_eats_and_drinks_/2006/12/vietnamese_turk.html"><span style="color: #990000;">St. Louis Eats: Nigella Lawson’s Vietnamese Turkey Salad</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /><br /></span><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/4-meals-you-can-make-with-thanksgiving-leftovers"><span style="color: #990000;">Wise Bread: Turkey and Stuffing Casserole</span></a><br /><br />~~~<br /><br />If you like this post, you might also dig:<br /><ul><li><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2009/02/1-chicken-17-healthy-meals-26-bucks-no.html" style="color: #990000;">1 Chicken, 17 Healthy Meals, $26 Bucks, No Mayo</a></li><li><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2009/01/65-cheap-healthy-one-dish-meals-with.html" style="color: #990000;">65 Cheap, Healthy, One-Dish Meals with Good Leftover Potential</a></li><li><a href="http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2009/07/seriously-eating-40-recipes-from-other.html" style="color: #990000;">Seriously, Eating: 40 Recipes From the Other Website I Write For</a></li></ul><br /><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thank you so much for visiting Cheap Healthy Good! (We appreciate it muchly). If you’d like to further support CHG, subscribe to our <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/cheaphealthygood" style="color: #990000;">RSS feed</a>! Or become a <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cheap-Healthy-Good/62723615043" style="color: #990000;">Facebook</a> friend! Or check out our <a href="http://twitter.com/KrisCHG" style="color: #990000;">Twitter</a>! Or buy something inexpensive, yet fulfilling via that Amazon store (on the left)! Bookmarking sites and links are nice, too. Viva la France!</span></i>

38 Cheap, Healthy Recipes for Thanksgiving Leftovers

This post was originally published in November 2008. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Every year, I suspend my healthy diet for one heralded N...

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For Those About to Gestate, We Salute You

<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPaRIOK-a2ca9vUCMBE0Lp3XEA9sV4glfQ-vHFQ3EBDHBzfLI9Hfn58F1eeps9zyVZ8OI_edOGwVODLYwzir9PEOMuO_kJEFA70Cs6OjB7XiH-5nk308k6GEFm4G_tYw-pTskF1XhVNi0/s1600/gestate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPaRIOK-a2ca9vUCMBE0Lp3XEA9sV4glfQ-vHFQ3EBDHBzfLI9Hfn58F1eeps9zyVZ8OI_edOGwVODLYwzir9PEOMuO_kJEFA70Cs6OjB7XiH-5nk308k6GEFm4G_tYw-pTskF1XhVNi0/s320/gestate.jpg" width="294" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>“Aw, look. You’re having a Hellboy.” – our friend Chad</i></td></tr></tbody></table>There comes a time in a young-ish married lady’s life when she looks at her husband and has to make a choice, to a) beat him in Scrabble, b) mold his beard into funny shapes, or c) do it. And sometimes, choosing “c” results in being 12 days late with her ladytime, taking four negative pregnancy tests followed by a fifth positive one, and then gaining 400 pounds, roughly half of which is fetus and its accompanying goo. (Note: The other half is burgers and lemonade.)<br /><br />Which is to say, I’m knocked up. (Due on Cinco de Mayo! Break out the virgin margaritas.)<br /><br />Yay! Husband and I and ESPECIALLY OUR PARENTS are thrilled with this development, as it means our familial line will continue for at least another generation, or in nerd terms, through iPhone57G. We look forward to all the cuteness and wonder and giggles and poop, which we've been assured there will be lots of. In fact, we’re even looking forward to the inevitable moment when the baby pukes into our open mouths, which, if friends and family on Facebook are to be believed, happens alarmingly often. <br /><br />And while we're over the moon, I gotta tell you guys – pregnancy is kind of funky. <br /><br />Don’t get me wrong - the prospect of introducing a new human to the wonders of Pixar and brownies is dumbfounding in its awesomeness. But my first trimester was a little rough. Meaning: I did not take the Barftrain all the way to Vomitville, but I did make a month-long stop in Queasytown. (Motto: “Where you always feel like s**t.”)<br /><br />There was a span of about two weeks during which I slept negligibly, ate weirdly, and cooked nothing – not a slice of toast, not a bowl of cereal, not liver with fava beans with a nice Chanti. We subsided mainly on Chipotle and the kindness of passing Chinese takeout delivery boys, who, as it turns out, prefer to be paid for their troubles. My diet was neither cheap, nor healthy, nor particularly good, unless you count the burgers. And there were many.<br /><br />It’s Month #4 now, and the nausea has finally begun to subside. I’m cooking again, and my appetite has returned with all its friends and relatives. According to the medical books (a.k.a. Manuals of Horror) I've read, the rest of my pregnancy should proceed thusly:<br /><br /><s>Month 1: Sore bosom</s><br /><s>Month 2: Fatigue</s><br /><s>Month 3: Nausea</s><br />Month 4: Raging indigestion<br />Month 5: Pregnancy … thing … bus … uh, brain<br />Month 6: Carpal Tunnel Body<br />Month 7: Hormone conflagration<br />Month 8: Beatlemania<br />Month 9: Gigantism<br />Month 10: Pass a human through my nethers<br /><br />I'm looking forward to it - the pregnancy, the birth, and especially the whole "raising a child" part. Because I've tried to teach the cat how to read, and he's just not getting it.<br /><br />In the meantime, I'll blog when I can, hopefully regarding food. And if y'all have any suggestions? I'm all ears. And abdomen.

For Those About to Gestate, We Salute You

“Aw, look. You’re having a Hellboy.” – our friend Chad There comes a time in a young-ish married lady’s life when she looks at her husband a...

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